The excitement and anticipation of jetting off somewhere new and exotic is hard to beat. And the holiday begins at the airport, right?
Ummmm, personally I’m not quite convinced by that one given that I predictably get a degree of airport anxiety. However, as I always say, you can’t please everyone all of the time.
Love it or hate it, there are a number of things that happen during every airport visit and here are my top 10; good, bad or indifferent!
1. Compulsively checking your passport is still there at least 9764 times
To try and lessen this particular passport related anxiety, I’ve bought myself a bright turquoise and gold travel wallet with tassels which is so brash, there is no way that it could inadvertently hide in my bag thereby giving me a borderline heart attack whenever I check for it. However, even this hasn’t done the trick.
Like, even though I’ve checked it 5 times on the way up in the car and another twice before baggage drop, what if my passport has evaporated into thin air?
I’d better check it another 30 times before passport control and panic every time my hand misses the wallet on first go, just in case.
2. Forgetting the security rules
Can I take electricals in my hand luggage? What are the rules about liquids again? Do I need to take my shoes off? Do I need to take my earrings out?
And WHY do I forget this rigmoural every single time I travel?
Yes, I hate me too.
3. Feeling REALLY guilty walking through security for no apparent reason…
What if I am actually carrying a weapon and I just, like, forgot?!
DID I pack my bag myself?!
DID I leave my bag unattended?
Am I the head of an international drugs cartel?
Look natural…act natural….WHY AM I SWEATING UNCONTROLLABLY?!
Real smooth AOC. Well done.
4. Getting tipsy before your flight, no matter what the time
After the stress of the above/ relief that you were in fact innocent of the criminal scenarios you made up in your head and didn’t need to be felt up by a stranger and exiled, it is always essential to start off the festivities with a stiff drink (to take the edge off), even if you’re flight is at 6am.
5. Getting judged for being tipsy at 6am
Listen Janice, I’m on me ‘oliday. Leave the disapproving look out hon.
6. Walking around shops looking at things that you definitely can’t afford
I know what I need to purchase last minute before my holiday…a cheeky lil 8 grand Cartier watch. Treat myself!
Like, airports no longer exist solely for the use of elite bankers and Russian oligarchs….where is River Island when you need it?!
7. Queue rushers
We all have allocated seats on this plane Marlene. Rushing and pushing is not nessecary so let’s all just put our boarding passes away and chill for 5.
8. Ladz on tour
Literally wearing the Ibiza starter pack i.e. permed hair, Nike airs, short shorts, abs, an insufferable level of energy , excitement and youthful optimism.
More often than not they will be sat next to me.
9. Carousel hoggers
It’s not like we ALL need to get our bags. …..
10. Slow walkers/ fast walkers
I don’t know what’s worse really….those who just stand still on the moving walk ways (it’s not like I have a flight to rush for or anything….) or those who run across it full pelt like they are racing up the Gladiator travellator to beat Storm’s personal best time.
So as you can see I’m an absolute joy to be around at the airport…don’t all rush to take me on holidays all at once now!